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The Item Shop

from 2 Phat II Fail by Cartoon Violence USA

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(spoken) A long time ago, in a land of pointy-eared jerkwads, lived a man who loved to break pottery and beat up chickens.

Hey man let me take you down
To a place I know about
They got all kinds of crazy things
That you never seen before
Like a laser shooting sword
But you must fill up your hearts
Otherwise it doesn't work, no

Ooh, I wanna take you down
I wanna take you down to the item shop
Ooh, won't you let me, let me take you down
Down to the item shop?

Take a stroll through a magical forest
But don't get lost
You gotta know the pattern
You gotta know the pattern
North West, South West

You're gonna need the rupees
If you wanna get the silver bow
So you gotta go into the dungeons

Hey look out for that bat!
Throw a boomerang, it'll come back
And it's all good.

You're gonna need to plant a bomb
If you wanna get through
The crack in the rocks

And be prepared to have to fight a giant octopus

If you wanna make it through, here's what you gotta do.
You gotta get yourself a net
You gotta get a couple jars
Capture a couple fairies
You're gonna need them later
When you run out of hearts
In the tougher dungeons
Oh in the tougher dungeons

Oooh, I want to take you
Down to the item shop
Whoa, won't you let me, let me
Let me take you down
Down to the item shop

And the masters came down from outer space
And they said "Link, you gotta get yourself some golden triangles. We call it the Tri-Force"
And you're gonna have to light
Light all the torches in the four corners of the room
Pull back your gilded silver bow
Pull it back!
Shoot Gannon in the heart!
Cause he's got the princess
And we all know that you wanna be hitting that.

I said you wanna be hitting that
You wanna be hitting that
Get yourself a little bit of that hot Elf princess action
Action with an Elf princess
Oh with an Elf princess
She's trapped in a castle
To get through, get through the dungeon
You're gonna have to face
You're gonna face some Octarocks
We'll Octarock your face off
We came to Octarock and roll
We'll Octarock your face off
We came to Octarock and roll
Now Octarock and roll now.
Octarock and roll (4x)


from 2 Phat II Fail, released June 13, 2017
Professor Robot: Vocals
Doctor Octave: LSDJ Sequencing, Guitar, Keyboards, Backing Vocals




Cartoon Violence USA Portland, Oregon

A mad musical scientist and a sonic death machine met and formed a union destined to destroy bad music throughout the multiverse. Cartoon Violence is beyond genre or classification. They are music for the self-aware ironic subroutine of the pop culture singularity. ... more


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